Breast Cancer

For the past year and half I've had a lot of time to think about life. What I want to do and do with it.

Getting breast cancer really changes you. Or at least me it did. At first everything is like a blur. But yet you have to take control. To hear those words...you have cancer...your like ok thank you for calling. Then you go into the bathroom and you get very angry and cry. You think of your kids. Who's going to take care of them besides your husband. Will you see them grow up. Then you pull your self together and talk to your husband and off to the doctor.
All you want to do is get this thing called a breast off of you. You grow to hate it and your mad as hell.

Then you have it removed. The first time you see your self is in the shower. You feel like the walls are coming down on you. You feel sick. And then you just break down. Thank god your home alone. Because you don't want anyone to see you cry.

Then comes your next step. To have this "port" put into your chest so you can have chemo. You get this "port" so your veins stay good and you don't have to get poked time and time again because they can't get a good vein. You get poked so much even before you have the breast removed you can't stand the sight of a needle. You get to the point where needles freak you out.
Before you start your chemo if you have long hair, cut it short. Go a step at a time. I cut mine short...but went one step more....I COLORED IT RED!!! LOL! I said what the hell it's going to fall out anyway.. so why not! crazy man!

So your chemo starts. Very scary. Because you don't know what is going to happen. You cry. Your scared. When God made nurses he made angels. I know you have to be a very special person to do that. My nurses made me laugh all the time. I have no bad stories to tell about chemo. It was a trip but one I never want to take again.

OK so your hair starts to fall out. YUCK! Thinner and thinner it goes. So I took control. I called my dear friend Angie and told her "I'm ready". She knew. Sophia and Seth were home that day. They thought it was funny. So Angie started to shave me. Oh my head was shaking so bad...WHY..poor Angie was so upset that she was shaking. So when she started to shave my head down the middle I said to her "I feel like GI JANE" it made her laugh. I let the cancer know it didn't have me.

When you have no hair any where I say you can take the fastest showers. 5 mintues tops..LOL. And when I say NO HAIR ANYWHERE i MEAN NO HAIR ANYWHERE!!!
Sophia use to rub my blad little head and tell me how shinie it was. I told her my name was now "Mrs. Clean". I didn't mind being blad. I didn't have a bad hair day for months! LOL !
When the chemo is over your happy. The weight gain sucks. But they say if you lose weight you have cancer somewhere else. Deal with the weight.

So more surgeries. I always say I had my "pluming taken out"...GIRL PARTS...lol. Estrogen is what caused the cancer.
Then comes the breast reconstruction starts. That surgery takes 5 to 5 1/2 hours. ugh! So you get the good boob reduced and lifted. Thank god because after 5 kids who the hell want to be a "D" cup. NOT I.
Reconstruction goes in steps. First the big surgery, second you get "pumped up" every week. They fill your expander with 60 cc of fuild once a week. That's goes on until your bigger than the size your going to be. So after about 4 to 5 months of this you go in and get that removed. So you get your new boob. Cool. But your still not done. You still have a few cosmetic things to do.
After 7 surgeries, 4 rounds of chemo and countless things done to you. Blood work, MMR's, an angiogram, and some crazy test that I've never even heard of.
YOU FINALLY COME TO THE END.... Yet you have to take med's for 4 more years. Which makes you hold water.booooo! And you need to get though the next 5 years without getting cancer again. Well soon to be 2 down and 3 to go for me. The end.....THANK GOD YOU MADE IT.... I DO.
I guess I write this for myself to feel better. I also write this for anyone who is scared or scared for someone they know. If I can do this.... so can you. You must pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Pull it together and hold your head up high. You are a beautiful woman no matter what. Life is beautiful so live it. I say "Life is good so live it" I am very thankful for everyday I wake up.
So if you think you feel a lump get it checked. Get your mammograms every year. You know you don't have to be 40 and older to get breast cancer. I was 37 years old. And that same week there was 4 other woman in LaPorte who were told they had breast cancer. 2 were younger than me....get it....it's not just for "older" women anymore.
My yearly mammogram found mine. I was Stage 1. I guess I write this to help me heal myself.
And then when your friends can't handle it just let them be. Sometimes they come back around and sometimes they don't. And the ones that don't well I guess they were never much of a friend anyway. At lest that's how I felt.

So.. you'll make new ones and some that you haven't talk to in a long time will be there for you. Thanks Tonya, Kathi and Joy (Kat's mom) . And the one's who were there the whole time, Jenny, Angie (cousin), Aunt Darlene, Sister in law Denise and my friend Denise, Thanks. But what is the best is your family. They help you too. They sometimes are the ones who pick you up and dust you off.
Thanks for reading this. If you want pass it on. Maybe it will help someone. Who knows. But what I do know is that I did it with grace and humor. And that I have to THANK MY MOM . Because you learn what you see and hear. I learned it from my mom. She had breast cancer too. And this year she will be 11 YEARS CANCER FREE!!!!!
So thanks for listen.
Peace be with all of you. Be brave and strong. Remember... LIFE IS GOOD SO LIVE IT....
Sincerely,
Juli