My Aunt Deanna

Yesterday I was told the one thing that would make my world a sad place. After going to the doctor I stopped in my parents bait shop. I could see my mom out of the coner of my eye when I walked in. I knew something was wrong. Her eyes were red. I could tell she had been crying. She had to tell me.........

Those words I knew were coming one day had came to my ears. Your Aunt Deanna is dead. I said excuse me?!?

Her long battle with prescripton drugs abuse and breast cancer came to an end. I hope all those doctors that gave her those prescripton drugs burn in hell. When their time comes they have to answer to the big guy.

I know she is in a better place. No one to judge her. No one to tell her what to do. No one to look down on her. A place where there are no harsh word to hurt her with. She is in a place where she will be loved beyond how she was and wasn't loved her on earth. I do believe she is in a better place.

So to you Aunt Deanna..........I love you beyond any words I can say any words I can write. I remember you the way you were, My Aunt..My crazy little Aunt Deanna.

Today is another day.......

Well today is another day. Just had to vent a little and now I'm good. It does me good to have those moments. If I didn't well then I think there would be something wrong.

All is good. Feeling better. I have color back in my face. It's not a good look for me to have my lips the same color of my pale face. Nope not a good look :)

Everyone have a great weekend.

Just a little mad at God & cancer today.

Well had my second Chemo treatment March 24. Went well. My sweet friend Angie(Miller)Case took me. We sat there and laughed and had a good time. Yeah a good time at chemo. Sounds strange but it was a good time.

So today(March 25) I feel better. Yesterday I was pale and felt like Blah....today I have the chemo "glow". Red cheeks and feel hot yet cold. Strange way to feel. My cousin Brandon came over and brought me lunch. We had a great talk about our nutty family. My dad's side. My dad is the best dad around. His brother & sisters are wonderful too but I just wish they would get along. Drives me nuts. Glad my brothers and I get along. Yes we have our brother sister fights who don't!?!

I'm also having a moment myself. Guess I'm a little pissed. Mad @ God and the cancer.

I mean really WHY THE HELL ME!! WHAT DID I EVER DO?!?! WHY NOT SOME LOW LIFE NASTY ASS PERSON WHO IS EVIL? REALLY!!!!

I don't want to go any where. I don't want some one else to be there for my kids. I want to see them all graduate High School & College. I wanted to graduate College! I want to see them get married. I want to be there crying when Sophia turns to me in her wedding dress. My sweet little girl.

I want to hold my grandchildren. Baby sit them. Tell my children how much their babies look like them. When they do something just like them and it makes me laugh. So I can say oh you did that too.

Yes I am mad. So mad that I want to put on boxing gloves and go a few rounds with God and yell at him and ask him WHY ME?! Damn you. Damn you for doing this to Steve. Damn you for doing this to my children. Damn you for doing this to my mom, dad & my brothers. Damn you for doing this to my whole family. My niece's, newphew's, cousin, Aunt's, Uncles. Damn you for doing this to EVERYONE I LOVE! Damn you for doing this to my sister in laws! Denise needs me to vent to. Who else is she going to vent to.

Yes I say damn you but I know you will not let me suffer. You will be there to take my hand and lead me where there will be no more pain. To a place where I can see my loved ones that I have lost during my time here on earth. Yet, Damn you. I say that so I can get though some of my days. Yet I love you lord for I know you will not forget me. You will be there when I need you the most. Let me be mad at you and don't be upset because I am. I know you walk beside me everyday. Your there when I have my treatments.

For you are the one who gives me the power to get though every treatment I do. Do not take me in 5 years leave me be for 20 or more. Let me bring my children to be wonderful adults. Let me be.

Damn you cancer! You will never win. Just so you know. YOU WILL NEVER WIN! But I say damn you to hell cancer! I am stronger than you. I will win not you. I will put those gloves on everyday and fight you. Damn you!

I am stronger than you. I am stronger than you. I am stronger than you.


Just stay with me lord. Walk beside me. Take my hand when I need you to lead me. Just stay with me lord.

Jodie & Steve.....

We went from Orlando to go see our friends in Richland North Carolina. Steve is a Marine and is going to go Afghanistan soon. So we wanted to see their new house and visit with them before he has to leave to fight for OUR country! He's such a great guy! God be with you always Steve! We love you!!

First day of chemo.

Check Nicholas out....he fell asleep. I did too but no picture of that....LOL! For those of you that don't know he's my son. The oldest of our 5 kids.

Ready set go.......OUCH.......wasn't that bad. Just didn't want to look.

My first day of chemo. It took 4 1/2 hours. Long day but with great people who took great care of me! Their angels!!! Sorry I look so rough but hey who cares it's just chemo. Plus I just got my new port Monday morning. I was so sore.

Orlando & Disney trip

She's out like a light and he looks like a wild man!

The light show. It was really cool to watch. So pretty!

Mickey & Minnie.....the high light :)

Face paint...can you say $$$$$$$

I thought this was a neat shot.

Missing my older boys in this picture. But love the picture with Sophia & Seth.

Woody & Jesse! Yahooooo! There's a snake in my boot!

It's a small world pictures of the different places in the world. This one is for Gwen ^^^^up there.

Waiting for "It's a small world"

Bernie & Jory @ the condo.

The sky writer. Was cool to watch.

More school work.

Inside the silo.

A dusk shot of the barn.

Love the tractor shot. Then you have another

dusk shot.

#1 picture for the wall of fame!

Isn't she so beautiful!!

The picture of Seth made what they call "The Wall Of Fame" @ school. Just wanted to show the picture I did for Photo II & Darkroom II. I so loved school but with what I'm dealing with school is the one thing I just can't do right now. But I still will keep taking those pictures. That's what I love to do ;)